You're a part time lover and a full time friend
by Kallisto the Nymph
Summary: A MattxMello story, written from Matt's POV, which tells us about how they became lovers, beginning when they were teens.
1. Confessions

_This is a story about Mello and Matt (If you don't like the pairing, just leave.), how they became lovers and it's written from Matt's POV. _

_I don't think that they're out of character, this is just how I imagine them talking to each other, declaring their love, etc. _

_I hope you enjoy it! (I sure enjoyed writing it!) If you have any suggestions or comments please leave a message. I'd like to hear your opinion about the story._

_If there are any grammar mistakes, please forgive me, because I'm Portuguese and I can't write THAT well... -.- ;_

_** Kallisto**_

_**Copyright** - Tsugumi Ohba_

_ Takeshi Obata_

* * *

Mello and I knew each other since childhood. He had always been my greatest friend, ever since I saw him in his black pyjamas for the first time at Wammy's. But, eventually, we became teenagers and I wanted something more. I don't really know how to explain it, but I felt an intense attraction to him, you see? Nothing made me happier than hearing his twisted and angry voice, feeling his warm breath on my neck or simply catching a glimpse of his blond hair in the middle of the crowd. I felt the happiest person in the world whenever I saw him. However, I knew I didn't have enough courage to go and tell him that or to ask him out. So, I had to keep it a secret, I had to lock those thoughts inside my head. Of course that I started to act strangely around Mello and, as smart as he was, he would find it out in time.

- "_What the hell's wrong with you_?"

- "_Nothing… Everything is just… normal. Yep, perfectly normal…!_" – I would say nervously, without sounding very convincing.

- "_You're hiding something, aren't you? Come on, spill it._"

- "_Mello, it's really_ _nothing!_"

- "_Yeah right…! Is it… a girl?_" – he would say with a smirk on his face.

- "_Don't be stupid! Of course not!_"

- "_Whatever! You can't hide your little secret forever, I'll find it out sooner or later and you know it!_"

And so he would leave the room, laughing like an idiot.

This made me really anxious, afraid that he'd discover that I liked him. I was scared of being rejected…

Days, weeks, months went by and Mello still hadn't come to talk to me. I only hoped he hadn't realized it…

- "_Look, Matt, I'm completely clueless about your stupid secret. Apparently there isn't anyone here at Wammy's who you've talked to about this. It's not like I even care… but as your friend I only wished you came talk to me about this kind of things._"

There was an awkward silence and I was too embarrassed to do something. I just stood there, looking at my feet. Mello sighed.

- "_You're unbelievable…_"

And as he was about to leave the room I took hold of his hand and said, while I was blushing madly:

- "_I'm sorry, Mello… It's just… I can't tell you because…_"

I suddenly stopped talking, looking away. I couldn't look at his face anymore, it was too embarrassing… But Mello was not stupid; he understood perfectly what I had meant. He blushed lightly and exclaimed in a low voice tone "_Oh…!_" I just wanted to disappear, to bury my face in a pillow and cry myself to sleep. I wished that this wasn't true, that it was just a dream… But, unfortunately, it was all real. We were both there, awkwardly standing next to each other. Both of us were now looking away, so that we didn't have to face each other. Our hearts were going faster and faster… Until Mello couldn't take it any longer.

- "_I have to go…_"

- "_Mello…_"

Even though I tried to stop him, he left. I saw him walking away clumsily, still thinking about this moment like it had been a dream… I was devastated. Clearly he didn't feel the same way as I did… The only thoughts going across my mind at that moment were "_Life sucks…_" And it really did. The person who I cared so much about…was gone. It felt like I had lost him forever.

After that happened, time went by quickly and before I even noticed, it was dinner time. Roger called me, but I told him I wasn't hungry. Once he left, I went to lie down and tried to get some sleep. Yet I couldn't stop thinking about Mello… It was too painful to remember all that… Even though it had happened only a few hours earlier, it felt like it had happened years before.

The next day, when I woke up, I was still upset. Of course that talking to Mello was out of the question. So, I went downstairs to have breakfast. But when I got there and saw him, I changed my mind and went back to my room. I knew I couldn't hide forever, I was not a coward. On the other hand, I didn't want to have to face Mello again… Although I knew he would try to find me sooner or later… Suddenly, I heard steps; someone was coming up the stairs. I picked up my DS and pretended I was playing.

- "_Matt… I'm sorry… I shouldn't have behaved like that…_"

- "_No problem._" – I responded like I didn't care at all.

- "_You're not angry?_" – he asked with a confused look on his face.

I didn't say anything. How could I? I wasn't angry… I was hurt.

- "_…Matt… are you listening to me?_" – he said as he came up to me.

- "_Yeah._" – I said, throwing my DS to my bed. – "_Look, let's just forget that all of this happened, OK?_"

- "_What if I don't want to forget?_" – he said with a smirk.

Now I was puzzled. Could this mean…? Suddenly, he leaned and whispered softly into my ear:

- "_I like you too, Matt._"

I could feel his hair brushing my face lightly, his breath on my neck and even though I couldn't see him I knew he was smiling. I was in such a state of shock from what I had heard that I didn't even see Mello leave the room. It had all happened so quickly… It seemed almost like a dream. I just sat there for the rest of the day. I didn't move, I didn't speak, I didn't even breathe… That moment kept playing over and over again in my head, I couldn't think of anything else. The rest of the world was meaningless and dull now. Nothing else mattered.


	2. I like boys with strong convictions

_Second chapter! Mello and Matt continue their romance. Some problems come up and they'll have to deal with them... but how? You'll find it out in this chapter._

_First of all, I would like to give credit to my sister, mainly for Near's words. It was kind of difficult to come up with that... So, thank you!_

_I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as you enjoyed the last one._

_(I do not own Death Note. **Copyright** - Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata; also I'd like to give Kimya Dawson credit for the title. It's in one of her songs, "So Nice So Smart")_

_**Kallisto**_

* * *

So, Mello had feelings for me too. But I started wondering… What did that really mean? Were we going out now? Yet again, I didn't know what to do. Talking to Mello was not an option. Though there wasn't anything else I could do… Soon, it was lunch time. I went downstairs immediately after Roger called me and Mello, of course, was there too. I was still a bit uncomfortable with this situation… I mean, every chat we had there at Wammy's would be extremely awkward. But then, unexpectedly, I came up with a _plan_.

- "_Hey, Mello._" – I said casually.

- "_Hey._" – he replied carelessly, as he nibbled his piece of chocolate.

I took a sit next to him, so we could talk without being heard.

- "_Mello_" – I whispered cautiously – "_we need to talk._"

- "_What is it?_" – he asked with his usual bad attitude.

I stopped talking for a moment. I had to think on what I was about to tell him.

- "_We can't talk here; it isn't safe. Meet me at half past seven in the playground._"

- "_'K…_"

Once we started to eat, we barely spoke to each other.

After lunch, I went to my room. However, I couldn't stop thinking about our secret meeting… Not even playing with my DS seemed amusing at that time!

Finally, it was half past seven. On my way to the playground I kept thinking "_What if he doesn't show up?_" No, I had to stop with those negative thoughts! Of course he'd be there.

At last I had arrived. Mello didn't seem to be there, just as I had predicted. He was so irresponsible sometimes… That thought made me furious. All of a sudden, Mello appeared out of the blue.

- "_Where were you?!_" – I enquired furiously.

- "_Jeez, Matt, it's not THAT late…_" - he answered, rolling his eyes.

I sighed. I was not a good time to be angry, I had to focus.

- "_What did you want to tell me, anyway?_"

- "_Obviously we can't be together at Wammy's… Everyone will see us there._"

- "_So?_"– he said, raising an eyebrow.

He had a point… But I knew that if we came out of the closet, people were going to stare at us like we were freaks. And then they were going to spread stupid rumours about us… It's not like I even cared about them, but having everybody against you, looking down on you is simply unpleasant…

- "_Well, you know… If they found out… about us, I mean, they were going to start spreading rumours and stuff…_"

He smiled.

- "_Tsk, tsk, tsk... Oh, Matt… Why do you even care? They're just stupid rumours, right? Just a bunch of brainless people with nothing better to do!_"

He came up to me.

- "_Matt, seriously, I don't care. And you shouldn't care either._"

He was now extremely close to me. I could feel him breathe, while I gazed into those deep blue eyes… I had understood his words perfectly. I knew exactly what he had meant and I agreed completely with him. It was like we were inside each other's minds…

And then, slowly, carefully, tenderly he leaned for a kiss. I kissed back, wrapping my arms around him. Our lips together, his hands caressing my face, my hands playing with his hair. A kiss that looked like it would never end, a moment worthy enough to be framed and placed on a wall, a picture that would last for all eternity…

We gently broke apart and looked into each other's eyes. Still holding hands, he went for a short walk across the playground.

Right then, I didn't care if anyone saw us. We were entitled to be together and it was no one's right to judge us for that.

We continued our walk, without saying anything, enjoying that moment while it lasted. It was grand just to stand there with his hand holding mine.

But all good things come to an end, right? Precisely. We were abruptly interrupted by Near, that annoying little brat who insisted in ruining our lives.

Mello immediately let go off my hand.

- "_Aaargh! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Shouldn't you be inside playing with your stupid toys and solving your stupid puzzle over and over again?!_" – Mello suddenly burst into rage.

- "_I could ask you the same thing, Mello. Shouldn't you be, you know, trying to beat me instead of…_ _spending time with Matt?_" – Near asked with a strange sarcastic smile.

Mello blushed intensely and shouted:

- "_SHUT UP, you brainless moron! At least I have REAL friends, unlike you!_"

Near just stood there with an unaffected neutral expression on his face.

- "_Let's go_" – Mello mumbled.

I obeyed. We hustled to get as far from Near as possible. I turned around once more and glanced at him. He was still in the exact same place, twirling his hair, with the same look on his face. What a freak, stalking us like that… But Mello was even more irritated than I was. That little monster really knew how to piss him off.

Afterwards, we got back to Wammy's. We locked ourselves up in my room, so that we wouldn't be bothered.

I was sitting on my bed while Mello was lying down, resting his head on my lap. He was playing around with my goggles as I passed my fingers through his blonde hair.

Later on we started a conversation about the Kira case.

- "_So what do you think: is Kira evil or not?_"

- "_Of course he's evil, bonehead! He kills people, therefore he is a criminal and deserves to die._"

I smiled. He sure had strong convictions…

- "_Well, it looks like you have some strong opinions about this…_"

- "_Matt, when I grow up, I want to become L's successor. I need you to understand that. I'll work as hard as I can and I'll achieve my goals, by any means necessary. My biggest problem now is that albino freak standing in my way…_"

He really had thought about this… He had his future all planned out. I wondered where I fit into those plans… Probably I didn't. I would be "standing in his way", just like Near was.


	3. Pretend I didn't tear your world apart

_Here it is; my third chapter! I had so much fun writing it... I sure hope you enjoy it! (This one's a bit smaller... 951 words.)_

_I better not tell you what this one's about... No one likes spoilers, right? ^___^_

_(I do not own Death Note. **Copyright** - Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata; also I'd like to give credit to Kimya Dawson for the title of the chapter. It's in one of her songs, "So Nice So Smart")_

_**Kallisto**_

* * *

I was still a bit gloomy from what Mello had said. Yet, I wasn't going to tell him that; I didn't want us to fight.

It was a rainy day, the sky was grey and depressing, the raindrops fell heavily on the ground. We were in Mello's room, with the lights out; I was perched on the windowsill, watching the rain fall, and Mello was sitting in the corner of the room, resting his arms on his knees and his head on his arms. It was such a depressing and boring afternoon… There was nothing to do. The room was dark and quiet.

- "_I wanna play truth or dare…_" - Mello said with a childlike voice.

- "_OK, let's play._"

- "_Truth or dare?_" – Mello asked suddenly, before I could ask him first.

- "_Hum… dare._"

- "_OK, I dare you… to go outside!_" – he demanded, smirking.

- "_No way… You've got to be kidding… It's raining heavily!_"

- "_A dare is a dare, Matt. You agreed to play with me, so keep your promise!_"

I sighed.

- "_Fine… But I dare you to come with me!_" – I challenged him, with a devilish smile.

He smirked and I moved towards him to help him stand up. Still holding my hand, he turned the doorknob and we left his room.

Once we got outside, we got completely soaked. Our clothes were sticking to our bodies, raindrops trickled down our hair, our bodies trembled because of the cold weather. Yet, we were happy. Face to face, we grinned at each other.

Mello moved towards me and I embraced him. He placed his head on my shoulder and I gently kissed his forehead. He started caressing my neck with his fingers, while I nuzzled his ear.

"_Yes_," I thought "_some moments are meant to be perfect_".

But once Mello started coughing, I decided it was time to go inside.

- "_We should get back inside or you'll get sick._"

I took off my jacket and covered Mello with it. We rushed back inside. As soon as we passed through the door, Mello declared:

- "_That was fun. We should do it again sometime._"

- "_Yeah…_" – I concurred, smiling.

We carefully sneaked upstairs, trying not to wake anyone up. Mello chuckled and I shushed him, also muffling my laughter.

- "_Shit! I can't go to my room, that kid… what's his name… Paulie is already sleeping…!_"

- "_No problem. You can sleep here._" – I told him, while I opened the door.

I turn on the lights and Mello threw my jacket to a chair.

- "_So, do you want to sleep on the sofa or on the bed? I can sleep on the sofa, it's fine with me._"

_- _"_No, no, I don't mind sleeping on the sofa. You sleep on the bed._"

_- _"_'K._"

Mello threw himself onto the sofa. He took his shirt off and threw it to the floor. I removed my goggles and rubbed my eyes.

- "_What a day!_" – Mello sighed.

I turned around and saw him. He was so hot… I smirked, ran to the sofa and we started making out.

A while later, we decided to stop, since Mello was feeling a bit sleepy. So, after snogging on the sofa for a while, he fell asleep. I pecked him on the cheek and also went to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up a bit bewildered and saw that Mello wasn't there. I slipped into my shirt and went try to find him. As I left the room, I heard someone shouting.

- "_I'm going to live my life THE WAY I WANT TO!_"

Then someone slammed a door. I saw Mello leaving Roger's office. I ran after him. He was walking furiously along the corridor and throwing things down along the way.

- "_Mello, what happened?_"

- "_Oh, it's nothing… It's just that stupid Near, he thinks he's better than everyone…!_"

He stopped at the door of his room and punched the wall. Then, he closed his eyes and sighed.

- "_Matt, please go. I need some time… alone._"

- "_Oh, OK…_"

He went in and slammed the door on my face. I stood there for a moment, looking at the door, thinking, and then went to Roger's office. I turned the doorknob slowly, carefully, and then came into the room.

- "_Matt…_"

- "_Roger, tell me what happened._"

- "_Matt… L's dead._"

- "_W-what?_" – I asked almost inaudibly.

Roger nodded in response. I was shocked. L was dead… Now I knew why Mello had reacted like that; probably Near had been chosen to be L's successor and not him.

I ran to Mello's room hurriedly. When I got there, I knocked on the door, but no one answered. I knocked again, yet there was still no answer. I decided to come in rather than waiting for someone to answer the door.

- "_Mello…?_" – I called as I opened the door.

He wasn't there. The room was practically empty. On a coffee table, though, there was a piece of paper; a note.

I walked towards the table and picked up the note. A tear dripped down my face. This was what was written on it:

_ Matt,_

_I couldn't stand it anymore, I had to leave. Roger wanted me to work with Near, but I can't. Near will become L's successor and I'll work my way to the top to finally beat him. I'll never come back, I'm sorry._

_ Mello_


	4. Lost and Found

Sorry for the lack of updates ^^; I haven't uploaded a new chapter since November (I think). But I finally remembered those handwritten fragments of chapter I had locked up in my drawer and decided it was time to upload them.

So, here you go. This one's about Matt's struggle to find Mello. Will he be able to find him? If he does, how will Mello react when he sees Matt again? You'll find the answers to those questions below... so READ! XD

(I do not own Death Note. **Copyright** - Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata)

Enjoy! ^^

**_Kallisto_**

* * *

"_Mello is gone_" I thought, as I tried to get some sleep. My eyes were wet, I wanted to cry; but I couldn't. I closed my eyes abruptly. Such painful memories... Yet, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I tried to comfort myself, I tried to forget; but these memories wouldn't go away. It shouldn't be possible to be this miserable when you were just 14.

I hid my face under my pillow, blocking my ears from hearing any sound at all. The outside world didn't matter anymore; not until Mello faded away from my mind. "_Tomorrow will be a better day_", I thought, but I didn't really believe that.

I woke up, got up, got dressed, went downstairs and had breakfast. It had become my routine; my boring, depressing, daily routine.

I found out that Near had gone away and created an organisation called the SPK. But… where was Mello? No one knew the answer. All they knew was that, one afternoon, Mello left Roger's office furiously, swearing and making threats, and then… he disappeared. Everybody knew he left because of Near; since the white-haired boy would be L's successor and not Mello. Of course that didn't help me at all… I knew all that too; perhaps even more than they imagined.

At first I blamed Near for what happened, but deep down, I realised it was not his fault. He was an annoying little brat, but that didn't mean he had to take the blame. Anyhow, blaming Near would lead me nowhere. If I wanted to find Mello, I had to investigate; I had to work hard to track down his exact location.

I had thought a million times about leaving Wammy's, although I never had the courage to finally do it. But this time it was different; I had stronger reasons. At last I had made up my mind; I was going to leave Wammy's and I was going to find Mello, at any cost.

And then I started thinking: since Near had got his own place for the SPK, I wondered if I could ask for one myself. I could help with the Kira case and, at the same time, investigate Mello's whereabouts. Well, there was only one way to find out: come by Roger's office and ask. And that's what I did. After a long talk, he finally agreed to give me my own place. (I was getting too old to be at Wammy's, anyway). Then, one day, after everything was set, I packed up my stuff and moved into my new house. Roger had provided me with everything I needed; the right technology, fundamental information from books… everything.

***

Before I knew it, I was already used to living there, all by myself. Time went by quickly and the case was finally progressing. I was 18 by then and had started smoking. A really bad habit, if you ask me, but I didn't care enough about my health to stop. There was one thing bothering me, though: my "investigation" (if you want to call it that) about Mello's whereabouts was going really bad. I hadn't got any information about it. (Some months back, I thought I did, but it led me nowhere). With Mello still "missing", I was getting more desperate each day.

Until, one day, something amazing happened. I had a mission, not very complicated, actually; I had to make a delivery to a certain location. (I won't go into any more details, since it's quite hard to explain). Let's just say it was important information I had to deliver. Well, as I was saying, I arrived at that location a bit early, I suppose, so I patiently sat down, waiting. I knew a deal with the Mafia was risky, it could even be dangerous, but I was rather confident that day. I carefully examined the room. Typical crime scene; perfect for a murder after some sketchy drug deal or something. It was a dark, tiny room and an ice-cold breeze made me shudder.

Suddenly I heard a very familiar voice, echoing in the hallway. Could it be…?

"_Let's go straight to the point. Do you have __it__?_" – a large man, probably the boss asked.

Next to him stood a familiar figure; a blond-haired guy, all in black, nibbling a chocolate bar. It was Mello.

"_Y-yes…!_" – I answered, still in shock.

After I handed him the information, I looked at Mello again. He hadn't changed much, not physically, I mean. But I did notice the fact that he acted like he didn't know me at all. I knew we were dealing at that moment, and he was with the Mafia and all, but still… (He didn't even looked me in the eye!) Every time our eyes met he quickly looked away, avoiding eye contact whatsoever.

"_OK… it's done._" – the man muttered to himself – "_Mello, let's go._"– he then called.

And so I watched Mello leave, unable to move, to breathe, to tell him that I missed him. He didn't turn around and look at me, even though I expected him to. I threw my cigarette to the floor and saw it falling in slow-motion. Then, it was taken away by the wind, leaving some lonely ashes behind.

It was a cold day. Yet, I was standing outside with no jacket or vest to protect me from such freezing weather. I had a thought which refused leaving my mind. I kept replaying that scene over and over in my head; Mello coming in and out the room as if he didn't know about my existence. I closed my eyes, allowing myself to watch it once more. And then mixed feelings began to bloom inside me.

I was hurt and I was happy. How could I be hurt and happy at the same time? - I asked myself. Weren't those two… opposite feelings? It was such a strange emotion, but I actually felt like that. Being hurt was understandable at that time; because of how Mello reacted, pretending he didn't know me at all. I was crazy enough to think that he'd remember our "ol' days" at Wammy's; crazy enough to believe he loved me. It was like being trespassed by a knife when he pretended he didn't recognise me… On the other hand, I was happy to see him again! I hadn't seen him in about 3 years, I think. And it felt like my heart, a wilting blood-red rose, had blossomed once again. Spring had at last arrived to my heart; after a thousand years of gelid winter which had slowly covered it with wintry snow. I had finally found him.

But how could I ignore what he had just done? How could I forgive such unforgivable actions? Yes, there was still a thorn of ice pierced across my bleeding heart, which begged to beat happily once again. There was still one more obstacle to overcome before I could plunge into happiness. I could still remember the day when he left… Why didn't he tell me then? If he had, I would have gladly gone with him. Yet, he chose to go down that path on his own. I wished I could understand that, deep down I do, but my devotion for him gets the best of me and wants to stop him from letting go.

I want to confront him; but I don't have the guts. I have to stop myself from running after him; I have to wait. And next time, I'll be able to win; I'll make sure that our meeting is be top secret and that it's just Mello and I, just the two of us; alone.


End file.
